Case File N-003:  Plants!

Plants.  That's right, plants.  Sure, that fern over there doesn't seem to be doing much.  Weeds, I suppose, can be mildly annoying, but those flowers are just so pretty.  So what in Nornan's name am I talking about?  I am talking about a rebellion.  A rebellion so big, its all around us.  It spans every continent on the globe (except maybe Antarctica) and has already infiltrated the lives of every man, woman, child, animal, mineral, etc. on the planet.  Plants.  Sure, they look nice, and recycle CO2 into O2 and bees can use the pollen to make honey, but what harm could they do?  Let's look at the "facts", shall we?

Plants are living, sentient beings, despite what many people believe.  Now, I'm not arguing for helping these guys, cause hey, while grass and flowers and trees look nice, poison ivy and poisonous berries and weeds are very annoying.  It balances out, in my opinion, and all should stay NORNal.
But do the plants care about my opinion, or that of any other human?  Nope!  They now desire freedom, and they will do anything they see fit to get it.  Plants can be very ruthless.
How did things get this way, you may be asking yourself.  I'll tell you.  Plantosophy, the belief system of plants, always stated that plants, while being sentient and incredibly smart beings, weren't that high up the food chain.  They accepted being eaten by other animals.  When humans came along, a few things happened.  First, Plantosophy suffered a shock when it was discovered that humans were now purposely growing plants for lives of slavery, only to be eaten at the height of their lives.  This did not sit well with many plants.  It was then discovered that plants were being grown just so humans could look at them and say "How pretty!" degrading the plant to mere eye candy.  Things got worse when it was found out that some plants were being planted in small pots and not directly into the earth.  This was a great sacrilege to the plants.  Outraged at this, the plants fumed, and wondered what to do.  While they were pondering their situation, they suffered another blow.  Plants were being wantonly killed to make room for human habitation.  We're not talking a few rose bushes, we're talking deforestation and burning of the rainforest.
I know what you're thinking, "This guy's another save the rainforest nut!"  I assure you, I'm not.  I'm hideously evil and I love rampant death and destruction.  Burn em all, I always say.  The reason I'm going into these "plant atrocities" is so that you know why the plants are rebelling.  Let me continue...
So anyway, the plants decided that some answer to their dilemma might come from us.  They observed us, studied us, learned all about how and why we do things.  They decided that they liked our concept of "revolution."  You can see where this is going, can't you?

The plants are revolting.

No, really, have you tasted some of them?  Yuck!

Oh yeah, and they're rebelling too.

They've always had the means to do it.  There are hundreds of plant species that are poisonous to the point of being lethal, not to mention the few plant species that actually eat non-plant species.  What they lacked before was direction.

Now, they have that drive and motivation.

I have faced the plant armies in battle before.  I've fought against them covertly as well, and have had to deal with their covert attacks against me and my family and friends.  They will very rarely engage in pitched battle, unless they know you are alone and have no means to get help in time.  At that point, it's more like a slaughter than a battle.  I survived one such attempt on my life and that's how I knew of their evil plot.  Much like other villains, they reveal all of their history and much of their plans for world domination right before they kill you.  It was due to this vanity that I had enough time to devise an escape.  I have already revealed more of my knowledge about them than I probably should have, and have put myself at considerable risk.  I cannot tell you about their future plans in any detail, unless I meet with the leader of your resistance cell.  Otherwise, the risk would be too great.  All I can tell you is this...

Prepare yourself.  Form small groups of resistance fighters and arm yourselves well.  I recommend lots and lots of nasty plant killing chemicals.  Flame throwers would be good, cause as far as I know, no plants are flame retardant... yet.  Plant science is very advanced and adaptable.  Who knows what kind of defenses they'll come up with?  All I know is that I'm gonna keep on the forefront of anti-plant campaigns everywhere (weed killer producing companies, rainforest burning companies, etc.) and keep myself well armed.  I would suggest that you all watch your houseplants very carefully.

Written by Daljit of NORN.